Thursday, August 31, 2006

At The End Of My Rope

It has recently come to my attention that I don't write so very good. I obviously cannot make a point and it has become painfully clear that my writings are nothing but rambling, ambiguous trash. Please don't be in too big a hurry to agree!

I actually get feedback from time to time, just like the real writers, and honestly, I do appreciate it. I usually don't understand it, but I appreciate it.

Most of the responses I receive are from folks who don't agree with anything I have to say, and that's all right. I'm a big boy and I can handle it. If you're going to dish it out, then be a big enough person to accept that not everyone out there hangs on your every word. I sometimes think they would prefer to hang me instead, but that's a whole different story.

I recently wrote an article about the split and impending demise of the Episcopal Church. It was a personal lament for me because an institution I dearly love is going into the dumper. It hurts me deeply.

I received a reply vilifying me for hating 'same sex marriage', which was never mentioned in the entire piece. I received another reply that was so unintelligible I could not decipher where the person was coming from. It had absolutely nothing to do with anything, and was laced with filth. I do know, however, I obviously struck a nerve.

My 'Rant' about Bill Clinton's history of indiscretions was strictly 'tongue in cheek'. I used global warming as the vehicle for the piece to poke a little fun at wild Bill. I got responses all over the place about global warming, but not a single word about Mr. Clinton, good or bad.

I could go on and on, but I think this paints a pretty accurate picture. No, it probably doesn't, but I have yet to receive a rebuttal from anyone who questioned the actual subject at hand. That would be refreshing if it ever happened, but I'm not going to hold my breath.

Could it be that I'm just a lousy writer, or is it possible that those who disagree with me just aren't willing or able to grasp the whole picture? They seem to pull one tiny little snippet of information out of an entire article, then take off on a tangent with it until it no longer reflects my original thought process in any way, shape or form.

I make no claim to being an authority. I certainly am not. I have my opinions and I simply share them with others, and they are free to agree or disagree. This is all about dialogue, nothing more.

So, if you decide to 'hang me' for my opinions, that's all well and good. Just try to keep your responses 'on message' for a change. I'm at the end of my rope!


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Sunday, August 27, 2006

PGA Goes Politically Correct

Okay, I've seen it all now, folks! Historically, or even almost forever, when two or more players are tied at the end of a professional golf tournament, there is, in all but the rarest of cases, a 'sudden death' playoff. The players play extra holes until one of the players wins a hole outright. Then it's over. Right? Right!

That part of all this is still true, but a PC'r must have somehow gotten involved behind the scenes, and not being up to speed on golf terminology, thought that 'sudden death' meant the losing player or players involved had to be killed 'graveyard dead' at the conclusion of the match. You know, bludgeon them with a mashie niblick (a seven iron if memory serves me right), and then bury the bodies in a bunker on the back nine! I'm sorry, but this is totally unacceptable and unthinkable behavior for any self respecting PC'r. And so.....

.....Check this out: This past weekend, Tiger and Cink are tied after 72 holes at beautiful Firestone Country Club (been there). Time for 'sudden death', right? WRONG! No more 'sudden death' for the PGA! It just ain't politically correct anymore. SO...get a 'grip' sports fans, they played a 'hole to hole' playoff. It looked like 'sudden death' to me, but what do I know? The announcers called it 'hole to hole', the graphic on TV said it was 'hole to hole', so if it sounds like 'hole to hole' and it looks like 'hole to hole' then it must be 'hole to hole'!

Is nothing sacred anymore? It seems that whenever 'political correctness' is involved, we end up getting the 'shaft'!

Friday, August 25, 2006

Bill Clinton On Global Warming

Former President Bill Clinton recently surmised that 'global warming' holds a much bigger threat to our collective futures than does 'terrorism'. This should really come as no big surprise to anyone who has followed Mr. Clinton's illustrious (gag) career.

Firstly, we all know how prone he is to being 'in heat'. His record speaks for itself. Global warming, although little more than a theory at this point in time, could be blamed for his ongoing 'heat' issues, making it a very convenient way to explain away his past indiscretions.

Secondly, for eight long years he hardly recognized terrorism as a problem. His record here also speaks for itself. Had he not been so busy dealing with all his 'warming' issues we probably would not be in the mess we're in today.

Thirdly, had he not succumbed to Newt Gingrich's 'Contract for America', his legacy would consist of one 'blue dress'. Nothing more.


After much soul searching and incredibly deep (for me) thought, I have made a life altering decision! I am moving! Yes, I will soon be relocating to the country of 'UbetchaIcansneakinastan' (a purely fictional country, for those of you who are hoping this might actually be true). Well, I am not REALLY moving, as such. I am sneaking in as an illegal alien. It just works better that way. No passport, no paperwork, no legal requirements, none of that darned citizenship stuff to complicate matters down the road. Just gonna sneak in! It's simply a much easier way to do things. All that legal stuff just gets in the way!

My plan is to cross the border at the crack of noon. At my age, I don't function well early in the day. In fact, that snap, crackle and pop I heard when I got up this morning was NOT my breakfast cereal! But, I digress. I will then proceed to out run (hah) the border patrol, and then, with the utmost stealth and cunning (or dumb luck), I shall blend in with the locals, never to be heard from again (don't get your hopes up, remember this is pure fiction). Pretty darn simple. Don't you just love it when a plan comes together!

Now why, you may be asking, would I be doing such a thing? Why would I leave this wonderful (AND IT IS) country of ours for such a place as 'UbetchaIcansneakinastan'? I could be like the mountain climbers and wistfully say, "Because it's there", but there is a lot more to it than that. Here are my top ten (according to old David Whatshisname) reasons for leaving:

1) I can earn minimum wage from an employer who has absolutely no regard for the law.
2) I can get a driver's license with virtually no effort, even though I cannot prove citizenship.
3) Some of their universities will give me free or cut rate tuition based on the fact I am illegal.
4) I will never have to learn their language.
5) The UCLU will fight to get me amnesty, and not even charge me to do it. They will get reimbursed by the government with tax payer money.
6) I can, at a later date, sneak the rest of my family into the country without fear of reprisal.
7) I never have to pay taxes.
8) I can get free medical attention because I am not a citizen.
9) I don't have to listen to their politicians pander (not a typo) my fate in exchange for future voting privileges.
10) And finally, the tottl dummn arrses maak sttupd lawws und nveer ennfrce thmm.

I wrote number ten in the 'UbetchaIcansneakinastan' language to point out how ludicrous it is to have just one national language. Translated, it means "So why would anyone give up all this just to be a citizen?"

Does any of this sound familiar? Could it be happening here? Hmmmm.

You can only achieve total idiocy in government through a bi-partisan effort, and we've got the folks in Washington to prove it!

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Media Feeding Frenzy

John Mark Karr is probably one of the most hated men in America today, but I will bet you a dollar to a donut that Mel Gibson really appreciates his very existence. The media people have dropped Ol' Mel like a hot potato, so they can now devote their time and energy to resurrecting the Jonbenet debacle.

I find it quite interesting to watch the media feeding frenzy as it moves from victim to victim as though they were nothing but objects to destroy in a very sick PacMan game. Chew them up, spit them out, who cares? Sadly, there is very little dignity left in an industry that once was held in the highest esteem.

It is no wonder so many of the nation's newspapers are losing circulation and the television news programs are losing viewers. We deserve better!

Global Warming Alert!!!

Hey, maybe there is something to all this global warming stuff the tree huggers are trying to sell us. Maybe Al Gore was really right after all! Do you really think so? Nah!!! Sorry, lost my head for a minute. Okay, folks on the left, this is just for fun. I heard a couple of stories I thought were cute, saw a way to poke a little political fun, and so I went for it. Nothing serious, so get over it:

Bubba says, "Man, it was sure hot in Alabama today!" Junior, being the easy mark that he is, appropriately asked, "How hot was it, Bubba?" Bubba replies, "It was SO hot in Alabama today the corn started popping right out in the fields, the cows thought it was snowing so they laid down and froze to death! Now, that's hot!"

And then, Bubba says, "Man it was sure hot in Arkansas today!" Junior, being the easy mark that he is, then asked the obligatory, "Hey Bubba, how hot was it in Arkansas today?" To which Bubba replied, "It was SO hot in Arkansas today the hogs all melted, the grease ran out into the fields, so the farmers planted french fries! Now that's hot!"

Now THAT'S ridiculous! Or is it?

Just in case you're wondering if maybe I've gone completely over the edge (and I don't really want to know your thoughts on this), I do happen to have one more rural story to share with y'all:

A traveling saleman is driving down a back country lane when he notices a farmer holding a goat high up into an apple tree. Got him right around the chest with all four legs in the air. The goat is having a big time, quite casually munching away on the apples with no apparent regard for the farmer, or the time of day. The salesman stops his car, lowers the window, and says, "Hey there, wouldn't it be a lot quicker and easier if you just let that goat eat the apples that have already fallen to the ground?" The farmer gave the salesman an incredulous look, and replied, "Time don't mean nothing to a goat!" Now, you may ask, how does this story relate to politics? Good question! Better answer: Picture the farmer as the United States Government. Now picture the goat as a healthy young welfare recipient who has figured out how to beat the system. Got it? Liberalism at its grass roots level!

Monday, August 14, 2006

Humpty Dumpty Sat On A Wall

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the King's horses and all the King's men.......
Yeah, yeah, yeah.....we know! He's now just a shell of his former self!

Kinda' reminds me of the Episcopal Church in a way. The folks on the left (revisionists) have built a wall, the fall is happening as we speak, and the church is just a shell of its former self. And, ain't nobody gonna put it back together again! A real shame!

I became an Episcopalian several years ago. The Episcopal Church, for the record, is a very small part of the world wide Anglican Communion (70,000,000 strong). It was a 'spin-off' from the Church of England during the Revolutionary War and, after everybody kissed and made up, it has been 'in communion' with the Church of England since. I fell totally in love with the liturgy, the history, the attention to ancient customs (the smells and bells), but mostly the theology because it was totally true to Holy Scripture. No hocus pocus stuff here (sadly, there is now)! And, of course, my British heritage was all over it! So, it is breaking my heart to watch the heretics undo hundreds of years steeped in beautiful Holy tradition. But it's happening.

An acquaintance, knowing very well how I feel, asked me recently how I was dealing with the 'gay' issue in our church. Sadly, this is the perception most people have about what is happening in most main-line religions today. So, for the umpteenth time, I did my best to explain that we do not have a 'gay' issue, that this is simply the label the liberal press has chosen because it suits their agenda quite well, and that we are all sinners, and that those who do not repent of their sins will not enter the Kingdom of God. It is that simple. Sinners are sinners. The label doesn't matter, repentance does.

We are a church that is saddled with two Gospels, the Truth of the inspired Word of God (which seems to have served us well for over 2000 years), and now, the new 'revisionist' translation. With this, the revisionists (a polite word for heretics) have built a wall the Episcopal Church can no longer straddle, and like Humpty Dumpty, it will soon fall. And, all the King's horses and all the King's men.......

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Global Warming: Fact Or Just A Bunch Of Hot Air?

The bottom line is, nobody really knows. I don't. You don't. Al Gore says he does, but he also says he invented the internet, so there you have it. I know the PC'rs won't touch this with a ten foot thermometer, but I do have my own theory about global warming: Does it not stand to reason that if all the politicians in the world were to keep their collective mouths shut for an extended period of time, the source of most of the hot air in the world would then be eliminated? Hence, no more global warming! Pretty simple! Probably have to wear a sweater in some places!

MASSACHUSETTS, A SAD STATE (OF AFFAIRS): The Massachusetts state legislature ran for the hills without passing a bill that would give free college tuition to veterans returning from the war in Iraq. In keeping with the way business is conducted in the 'blue states', however, if you are an illegal alien you can receive free tuition and other benefits. Insane! Can you say 'vote these clowns out of office'?

ISRAEL, THOSE BIG, BAD BULLIES: Excuse me, did I hear something wrong? I was under the impression those lovable Hezbollah folks fired a bunch of missiles into Israel, killing and wounding dozens of Israeli citizens in the process, and then they kidnapped two Israeli soldiers. Totally unprovoked, by the way. That's what I thought I heard, but I must have been mistaken. I must have been out-FOXED (get it?)! Now I'm hearing the WWL crowd (world wide liberals) is demanding that Israel not only stop the air attacks, but immediately withdraw their troops from Lebanon. Oh yeah, then they should apologize for their unwarranted aggression. I keep telling you that political correctness is the world's number one enemy. This proves it!

MEL GIBSON: Thank God all the problems of the world have been solved. No more war, hunger, or sickeness. All better now! NOT! I can understand a couple of days of coverage about Gibson's drinking spree, subsequent arrest, stupid remarks, and all. Famous guy screws up, pays the price with some well deserved ugly publicity. But, hey guys, enough is enough! Let it go! Get over it! There are certainly bigger fish to fry than this! We have some very serious problems in our world and, believe me, this ain't one of them!

To make matters worse, his father is being demonized all over again for anti-semitic remarks he NEVER made. During the pre-release hype of 'The Passion', the lefties were on their total Gibson family smear campaign. Dad was quoted as saying the holocaust never happened. That it was made up to gain enduring sympathy for the Jews. He paid a tremendous personal price for these lies, and the liberal press, in all its gory (no, I spelled it right) was being its characteristically vicious self. All he ever did was to question the validity of the number of Jews that were actually killed, noting that six million seemed to be an exaggerated figure for the time period involved. Some historians have posed the same question. Not exactly anti-semitic.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

George W. Bush: Between Iraq And A Hard Place

Abraham Lincoln had it rough. Civil War and all. Franklin D. Roosevelt also had it rough. Depression, World War II. No doubt about it. This country has been through some very trying times in its young history, but no President since day 'one' has been through anything to compare with the incessant trials of one George W. Bush.

Upon taking office, Bush inherited a decimated military, a virtually non-existent human intelligence network, and an economy that was headed for the dumper. Scream all you want, this is truth.

Let's sort it out. Recession. September 11th. Terrorism. Afghanistan. Iraq. Katrina. Immigration. And a far-left agenda driven by a personal hatred of him and all he stands for. Need I go on? Sounds like a hard place to me!

This nation sadly lost 11,000 troops in ONE DAY on the beaches at Normandy during World War II and General Dwight D. Eisenhower is, to this day, a legend and a hero. This is not a judgment, but merely an observation. Had this happened in today's political climate, where would the good General stand in the eyes of those who hate Bush so vehemently? Would they have even noticed? Or cared?

We still have troops in Germany (60 years later), Korea (50 years later), Bosnia, and, for some reason I have never understood, Haiti. Where are the cries to bring them home? Sorry, I can't hear you!

The Supreme Court recently ruled that the fewer than five hundred 'detainees' at Guantanamo are entitled to protection and treatment according to the Geneva Convention. Wrong on two counts. First, these people have no rights under the Geneva Convention because they wear no uniform nor are they members of an established military of any country. They are alleged terrorists, for God's sake! Second, the Supreme Court has no constitutional powers over matters of war, declared or not. Our government arrested eight German 'residents' during World War II for espionage. Six were hanged as spies. The Supreme Court would not, and did not, get involved on the basis they had no constitutional authority to grant cert. They simply looked the other way. Oh, for the good old days!

Immigration. What a colossal mess! This big fat albotross has been around our collective necks since the Jimmy Carter era, or maybe even before that. In keeping with his inimitable leadership style, Carter didn't know how to deal with the problem, so he didn't. Good ol' Jimmy! Then Reagan made a total mess of it with his ill-fated amnesty plan, and Bush senior and Clinton just sort of turned their backs, hoping it would all go away. Well, it didn't! And, so here we are! Another golden opportunity for the PC crowd to trash the Prez for something he didn't do. And, they are all over it! The answer definitely does not lie in amnesty, fencing in the country, putting troops on the border, etc. These are nothing but 'band-aid' remedies. The real answer, which no one talks about, lies in someone having the political fortitude to wade through the layers of politically correct bureaucracy that exist in the State Department, until, bottom line, this country completely changes the way it does business.

Meanwhile, back at reality..........