Monday, May 14, 2007

Churrrr, Churrrr, Chuck, Chuck, Chuck !!!

OH MY GOD! I have just realized I am a liberal! This simply cannot be! How will I live with this? How CAN I live with this? This is terrible! How can I tell my friends? How can I tell those who perceive me as a card carrying conservative? A charter member of the vast right wing conspiracy? OH, WOE IS ME!

You might be thinking, at this point, okay, cut the crap. And you would be right to do so. I was just funnin' with you. But let me 'splain:

A few years ago my wife and I started feeding the birds, squirrels, and rabbits in our back yard. We live in the city, in an older subdivision, and have many mature trees in our back yard. It is a very peaceful yard, with comfortable (good word) landscaping and foliage. The wildlife seems to enjoy it, just as we do.

We have a squirrel with half a tail we call Stumpy. He has been a part of our family for almost three years now, and he is the mayor of the back yard. We keep track of the different species of birds that visit us on a regular basis in our trusty "Birds of Tennessee" hand book. Thirty one species at this writing, from the diminutive humming bird to the Cooper hawk. He, by the way, has an affinity for our mourning doves and our beautiful Eurasion collared doves. We don't like it, but it's a part of nature and hawks have to eat, too.

The little rascals will certainly let us know when the feeders are empty. They will push the seed containers off the arbor and onto the ground when they become empty. They will become loud in their call for more seed and corn. Almost belligerent. Two mornings ago we were sitting in the den drinking coffee, and a rabbit actually came to the top patio step and looked through the glass door to see why he hadn't had his breakfast yet. This is absolutely true.

Today the feeders were empty. A red-bellied woodpecker, who obviously has become too dependent on the free feed at hand to fend for himself, flew from feeder to feeder, chiding me quite loudly that it was time to eat. 'Bang my beak into a tree? Not on your life, big boy'! Churrrrr, churrrr, chuck, chuck chuck. Time for me to do my job and feed him. Now! So, I dutifully filled the feeders to capacity. I filled the bird baths with water, and then it hit me:

I am a liberal. I am the government. They are the citizens. Our little back yard is the Nation. We are like a little Country! In the beginning they would come here, and they would work for their food and they would survive. But I have supplied sustenance to these little creatures until they no longer care to fend for themselves. Why should they go out and forage for food and water when all they have to do is show up at Dougie's house and collect the hand-outs? And, now they expect it!

Yes, I am the government. Yes, they are the citizens. They have come to expect their entitlements, and they do not expect to work for them. My seed bills continue to spiral out of control. I can no longer balance the seed budget. I am running a deficit, but there is no one to tax. Sound familiar?

Sunday, May 06, 2007

I'm Just A 'Charmin' Kinda Guy !!!

Time Magazine has recently published their annual list of the top 100 most impressive and influentual people on earth. People like Osama bin Laden, Rosie O'Donnell, and the list goes on and on and on. Criminals, flakes, terrorists, etc. Pretty darn impressive, if you ask me! No, please don't ask me.

Did anyone happen to notice the glaring absence of one name? Like George W. Bush. You know, the President of the United States of America. You know, the most powerful political figure on the planet. Oops! You don't think they made a mistake, do you? You don't think they just forgot, do you? I don't!

Obviously, if you lean far enough to the left, your brain becomes imbalanced and it becomes very difficult to make rational decisions. I see it every day, and I'm sure you do too. You do, don't you?

These people (Time Magazine) have blatantly proven, one more time, the total disdain and hatred the media elites hold toward George W. Bush. Their rag-mag, in my opinion, has zero credibility. They are so slanted to the left it's a wonder the ink doesn't slide off the pages.

But, I do have an idea that could make there magazine viable again. Afterall, a product that is useful will sell much better than one that is not useful. Pretty simple when you break it down like that, isn't it.

Here it is: They should stop printing their magazine on expensive high-gloss paper, as is their custom. Instead, they should use a less expensive, more absorbent paper in long strands of perforated squares, and fasten it to a cardboard roll. The public will find this product much more useful, and the end result (so to speak), product-wise, will be very similar.

I think you will have to admit there are not many people out there that would offer such a nice suggestion to a company they despise. I guess I'm just a 'Charmin' kinda guy!