Monday, August 06, 2007

I Smell A Conspiracy !!!

I smell a conspiracy, and it's got me hoppin' mad (so to speak)! It seems that more and more of our corn production is being ear-marked to make Ethanol. You know, the alternate fuel. The story on the street is, the more Ethanol we can produce the less crude oil we will need to buy from our friends in the middle east and South America. You know, the old 'supply and demand' theory. We produce more corn, we buy less crude oil. Helps our economy, hurts theirs. Crude oil prices drop dramatically. Sounds good on paper, but.....

Let's look at the BIG picture here: Demand for corn continues to escalate, production begins to lag behind, some farmers actually have to start planting stuff again in order to make a living. Corn prices begin to rise as production continues to lag behind demand. Canned and frozen corn prices in our super markets spiral out of control, negating savings at the gas pump.

You may think I'm out of my mind, but stay with me here. I am on to something BIG! The huge shift in the corn market will cause a natural reaction in other areas of our economy: The food industry will be forced to look for substitute products to replace corn. Alternative marketing schemes will be developed to maintain fair market shares. Food executives will be keeping an 'ear' out (so to speak) for new avenues of revenue. Consequently, barley prices will sky-rocket, as will the price of hops.

Okay, I have given you the BIG picture: Can you imagine what this will do to the price of beer?

We need to organize. We need stop this conspiracy in its tracks. We need to tell these people, whoever they are, that we will not tolerate a continuation of this nonsense, and if necessary, we will call on our people in Washington to 'draft' legislation against it!

(Disclaimer: This was just for fun, okay?)


Larry Whinnery said...

"...some farmers actually have to start planting stuff again......" As far as I can tell, subsidies for not planting stopped a long time ago. Subsidies today are paid out mostly to large Fortune 500 companies & huge agribusinesses (some times referred to as fat cats by the media). Small family farms receive practically nothing from the federal government. Efforts by President Bush & other presidents to correct this have not been successful thus far. Congress has taken no action. It is actually thought that some of the money's paid out by the federal government have actually been used to buy out small farmers who are suffering. This may be the real reason the price of beer may rise - small farmers have more time to drink it.

This was just for fun!

Anonymous said...

Dear Comrade Atkin,

As a current resident of the Peoples' Republic of Illinois, I am feeling
deeply hurt, offended, and victimized, not to mention marginalized by your
comments on the noble efforts of Illinois farmers to produce special
hybrid corns from which E-85 will be derived. Everyone here in the
Peoples' Republic knows that fuel grade Ethanol is going to save the
world and is going to be the greatest thing since canned beer. The
development of E-85 with all its subsidary and related industries
will turn back the onset of Global Warming. We are told by the
Central Committee and Politboro that revenues accrued by the
sale of E-85 corn products will more than reduce the 3% (and
growing) personal income tax in the Peoples' Republic, every
citizen of which will be offended, hurt, made uncomfortable,
marginalized and victimized by your vast right-wing wacko
conspiracy theories.

I think you are also being insensitive toward the plight of the polar
bears who are helplessly watching the ice floes melt because of the
of carbon dioxide by the burning of fossil fuels, as has been pointed
out by your own former senator and quasi-President of the United
States from the democratic republic of Tennessee. Here today the
heat index will reach 102 degrees. I rest my case for global warming.
E-85 will lower the heat index in Peoria and also take away some of
the power of the big, bad capitalists who are detroying the environment
and, as General Ripper pointed out many years ago, threatening our
precious bodily fluids.

Being in the Peoples' Republic is a great improvement for my family
and me because the People's Republic, led by our current governor,
who proposes universal healthcare for all the children of God and
compassionate care of all itty bitty creatures who might be hurt by
environmental debilitation, is going to further raise property taxes in
order to take compassionate care of those who don't bother take
care of themselves.

Obviously as a Tennessean you stand in need of enlightenment because
it is well known the the production of corn in your Southern state,
where you people talk funny, is also used in the distillation of Jack
Whiskey and bourbon whiskey's like George Dickel.

Yours truly,
Whacked in the Midwest
A friend

Dougie said...

Obviously, my research was short-sided and inadequate. Thank you for setting the record straight.

Anonymous said...

Source Full headers Previous Next Delete Print Message - 2/13

Now you have ticked me off. Does this mean the price of moonshine and cornbread will go out of sight and possibly put the moonshiners and Cracker Barrel out of business? We could have rioting in the streets!! Plus, what about all the pollution that the corn will cause. Al Gore will be crusading against this and maybe even Rosie and Oprah. Maybe even Ted and John. This is getting serious.
Our only hope will be Obama-when he nukes Pakistan, peace will come to the world and everyone will love America again.

Dougie said...

This is absolutely amazing! What started off as nothing but a joke has ended up being educational material.

A friend of mine responded to this week's Rant today. He and his father own a 300 acre farm in Cannon County. He told me the government is still very much in the business of paying farmers not to plant crops. They receive a check every March for not planting anything the year before. This has been going on for many years, and he said it will go on at least through next year, maybe longer.
I didn't ask how much they got paid as that would have been extremely tacky.

So there you are. Try to have a little fun and get educated in the process. Life is good!

Larry Whinnery said...

You do realize that Cannon County hasn't really made it to this decade, let alone century. This may explain why a farmer there is still receiving payment from the government - the mail just got there.

Dougie said...

Don't you think the folks in Cannon County might find that somewhat 'insulting'?

Larry Whinnery said...

Maybe, but it will take a while for them to find out. But, that don't make 'em bad folks.