Monday, September 17, 2007

Funny E-mails !!!

As I have been traveling recently, I have not had the time to share my own thoughts on these pages (can you say 'blessing'?), so here are some randomly selected e-mails I have recently received that I find rather humorous. I am sure there are those of you out there who will not. Ain't this fun! And, no, I didn't verify any of this with Snopes. Let them come to me for a change.

Historical Events:
Many will recall that on July 8, 1947, witnesses claimed that an unidentified object with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico.

This is a well-known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and the federal government.

However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of March 1948, exactly nine months after that historic day, the following people were born:
Albert Arnold Gore Jr.
Hillary Rodham
John F. Kerry
William Jefferson Clinton
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer.

See what happens when aliens breed with sheep?

And then.....

Three things to think about!
1. COWS
2. THE CONSTITUTION
3. THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

COWS: Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington and they can track her calves to their stalls? But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow.

THE CONSTITUTION: They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq . Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore.

TEN COMMANDMENTS: The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse........ You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt N ot Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians -- it creates a hostile work environment.

And last, but certainly not least.....

A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state.

The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.

The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scumbag who got what he deserved, and he yelled back that Ted Kennedy is a fat, good-for-nothing, left wing liberal drunk who doesn't know how to drive. So I said that Osama Bin Ladin dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian! He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Hillary Clinton!"

"And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us."

14 comments:

Larry Whinnery said...

I enjoy "funny" emails - but, I don't enjoy disgusting emails such as the one about the Marine squad north of Fallujah.
The "cow" email would be funny except the comparison used to make it funny is a prime example of sophistry (a subtly deceptive reasoning or argument).
The Roswell email most certainly needs to be checked out by anyone. if anyone is reading this, at Snopes.com - talk about ridiculus.
I like a laugh as much as the next guy - but, laughing at the ridiculous???????
Anyone who thinks we don't use our Constitution anymore needs to wake up. 'Nuff said about that!
Judges, Lawyers and Politicians - Now That's Funny!

Dougie said...

Where does the e-mail about gays you recently forwarded to me fit into the mix. I guess it's all subjective.

Larry Whinnery said...

Don't remember - can't find it - can you email it to me?

Dougie said...

Hey! Actually, none of this was meant to be serious (as stated). The reference to Snopes was meant to be as ridiculous as it obviously sounded (success).
Do you honestly think anyone out there really thinks we are not using our Constitution? I certainly don't. The cow thing was udderly funny to me, sophistry or not. Why can't jokes just be jokes? Humor is almost always based on bad situations, human failing, etc. (i.e. the old Polish jokes from years ago are now being re-circulated as blond jokes).

Larry Whinnery said...

Things don't have to be "serious" to be insulting or vilifying. Jokes just can't be "jokes" - if you don't believe that spend some time watching Bill Maher - he says some pretty funny things about Jesus - should I laugh?

Larry Whinnery said...

I've researched as far back as April of this year - still haven't found the gay email you referred to - don't think I forwarded it????
I've gotten some emails like you describe, but have immediately deleted them - never have forwarded one!!!!!
I consider this a serious accusation - please help me clear it up.

Dougie said...

Actually, I have erased it. This, of course, is not in any way meant to be an accusation, so please don't take it as one. It was a forward about gays that I thought was so totally out of character for you I mentioned it to Linda, and she had also received it and thought the same thing. Beyond that, I don't know what to tell you. I always delete e-mails in a timely manner as to free up memory for business e-mails.

Bill Maher has never amused me at all. In my opinion he is the far-left-wing counterpart to Ann Coulter.

So now we are back to what I said earlier. Humor is subjective. Years ago I used racial humor and thought it was hilarious. Today I find it disgusting.

By the way, this is just too much hard work for the subject matter involved. I'm done.

Larry Whinnery said...

You might be done, but as you will see, I'm not!

I'm sorry you deleted the "gay" email - however, if you had saved it you would realize I forwarded it as an example of the type of emails I hate. Perhaps you forgot my comment. Not remembering this does make it sound like an accusation, whether you meant it to be or not.
Use your Comcast email - you won't have to "free up memory".

I do not agree that humor is subjective when it is disgusting, whether it's the type of racial humor you used to use or the political humor you now use. Disgusting humor is just plain disgusting.

Your comment about Bill Maher & Ann Coulter leads me to believe you missed the point - maybe I didn't make it clear enough.
Bill Maher, like George Carlin can be both very funny & very insulting. However, I don't expect you to watch him, given his political bent. Ann Coulter couldn't be funny on her best day -in fact (let me be insulting for a moment) she is probably the anti-Christ.
I just re-read my comment about Bill Maher - sorry, I can't make it any more clear. I repeat "jokes just can't be jokes". I also just read your comment & I don't agree that humor is "almost always based on bad situations and human failings". I used to, and still do laugh a lot at comedians who almost never use, or used, this approach.

Dougie said...

Sorry, there was no such comment. In fact, the heading was something like "This is funny stuff"(paraphrased).

Larry Whinnery said...

If the heading was "this is funny stuff", it came from my brother in law or Marlin Gober, & I DEFINITELY commented that it was meant to be an EXAMPLE of what kind of emails I do not want from you or anyone else. I remember at least two occasions where I forwarded nasty emails as examples. If you think I'm a liar, so be it!
I don't want your political emails because they don't really qualify as political sattire (as you might think), but rather political vilification. I would love for you to someday stop that, as you stopped telling racial jokes. But, remember a joke does not have to be racial in order to be insulting - and the insulting part is what matters; I don't care whether it comes from you, Ann Coulter, George Carlin or Bill Maher.

Dougie said...

Whoa! I never insinuated you were lying. I never would. I have known you too long and care for you too much to even think such thoughts. I do think there is no point in continuing with this banter, as we will never agree. I am allowed my thoughts whether anyone else agrees or not, just as you are allowed yours. This is my blog and I don't feel anyone has the right to dictate to me what I write. They do, however, have the right to not read it. I still think you should do your own blog, and further your ideas that way rather than continuously trying to head me off at the pass politically(which ain't gonna work). Besides, this has become hard work and is just not worth the effort anymore. I am not enjoying this and I don't think either of us are making a difference in anyone's lives.

Larry Whinnery said...

I don't think I requested that you and I agree, only that you stop using insulting, degrading, vilifying, political comments. It's OK to be conservative in your views, but this does not have to mean attacking the opposition the way you do. Even in sports, athletes who use these kinds of verbal attacks on their opponents are not held in very high esteem, and they battle it out physically on the playing field.

Whether or not to discontinue this banter does not rely on whether you and I will ever agree - and you are allowed your "thoughts", but keep the vicious ones to yourself. Anyone does have the right to NOT read what you write, but they also have the right to read and comment when you publish.

I AM ENJOYING this because it gives me the opportunity to publicly express my disapproval. You are right, though, about neither of us "making a difference in anyone's lives" because I don't get the indication that anyone else is reading your blog or my responses. If anyone is I wish they would "chime in".

Please understand, I do not wish to "dictate" to you what you should write, but as your friend (I hope I still am), I think I have the right and RESPONSIBILITY to ask you to reconsider your approach to political (and some other)topics. You are far too influenced by some 'not too kind' people and some of your sources are mediocre at best. I ask you sincerely to be cautious in your writings. Here's an example: you might not have meant to insinuate that I was lying, but what you wrote made it seem that way.

Everyone certainly has the right to their own political views. Mine tend to vary according to the issue and the situation. I have always been a kind of pragmatic person. I prefer this to being inflexible. But I feel no urge to publish my opinions in a blog or anywhere else (I don't write very well). I do, however, do feel a need to respond to things I consider inappropriate or false. If you prefer I don't respond to your blog, go ahead and send me the emails you send to everyone (notice I'm breaking my own rule about emails) and I will respond to all of the people on your list -but ONLY if I consider your writings or satires inappropriate. If I think your writings are appropriate, but disagree, I will respond only to you. Fair?

Dougie said...

My biggest fear is that this whole thing might elevate to the point that it actually would affect our friendship. With the exception of God and my family, I value your friendship more than anything on this earth. You and I have been through too much and down too many roads together to ever let anything like this get in the way. With that said, let the games continue! Fair enough?

Larry Whinnery said...

Let the games continue - fair enough!